I have been a bad blogger and I have been a bad patient. I think I got tired of focusing on my Bells Palsy results and needed to step away. So, I took a full time job last November, stopped seeing my doctor and here I am a year later, pretty much where I left off.
I can give a slight smile with my lips, closed. My eye's close at night now but I think they pop open sometimes when I'm really tired. Not sure...haven't asked anyone to look at my eyelids in the middle of the night. My lower lip is tight and being pulled down a bit. I should go for Botox injections to relax it but I am scared of losing any control of my mouth. Some days when I am stressed or tired, my face gets tight and it's hard to pronounce words. I could go for muscle transplant but I seriously have to decide if I want to go through any facial surgery again and have a muscle cut out of my thighs. My thighs need all the muscles they have now!!!
Honestly, I'm tired. I know I need to do something and move forward but my doctor is literally a 2-1/2 hour drive away and now that I have a new job, every day I take off, I feel guilty. My old body (52) isn't bouncing back like I'd hoped it would. Although everyone says they could never tell I have facial paralysis, I know that when I laugh, my teeth do not show and I look toothless. Like an old lady without her dentures. Sad, I know. First world problem? I guess. But not being able to smile and show my happiness absolutely SUCKS. Seeing other people's toothy grin just pisses me off. Not being able to bite into a sandwich because you can't get your lips out of the way SUCKS. There are other things I cannot do with my lips anymore but I won't go there in case someone little is reading but I think you get my point. That doesn't suck.. HAHAHAHA!!!!
I wish I had better news or a more uplifting blog today. I am hoping that all of you reading this are feeling more confident and get your face back, completely! Maybe some amazing surgeon will create a tiny robot that could go into our faces and make our nerves work again. The ONLY benefit of having residual facial paralysis is that I probably won't develop any wrinkles. I can't really move my eyebrows; so no worry lines for me and at least it's FRIDAY!!
Love & Light my BP Peeps!
Many thanks for your sense of humour in this strange adventure we encounter. This is new to me and you managed to put into words what I am just feeling. Best wishes for the future.
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