2- The First Time

The day of "love", Valentines Day, 2000. 20 weeks pregnant and feeling.....Uh oh.

I can't remember if I knew what was happening because it was 15 years ago but I do remember that I was in pain, confused, as big as a house, expecting my first child and I had planned a romantic dinner with my husband for that night. Boy, can plans change quickly. I woke up that morning and couldn't move the right side of my face.

That's when I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy #1. My eye drooped quite a bit, I couldn't blink or close my eye. my mouth was useless on one side.  The doctor prescribed prednisone (that little pack thing that doesn't work anymore). I know they were afraid to give me much more than that because I was pregnant so I went home with excruciating facial pain. Like, stand in the shower with hot water pouring on your face to take it away facial pain. I drank wine and took anti-inflammatory med's and I begged my doctor to do something but he didn't have any answers for me. I was desperate.(Dude, my facial nerve was being crushed!!) About 4 day's later I couldn't take it anymore and went to the ER. They dosed me up with more prednisone which thankfully reduced the swelling and stopped the pain and politely suggested I see another doctor as a follow up.

After 10 weeks, I still couldn't blink or close my eye on it's own. You never realize how important it is that you blink until you can't. Blinking or being able to close your eye moisten's it, it protects it from projectile's. It protects it from the fabric when you pull a shirt over your head (ouch!!) or from the shampoo so you don't end up crying in the shower from that horrible stinging sensation. You become adept at either taping it shut at night and holding it closed in the shower along with your ear....Oh, I didn't tell you....Not only does your face become paralyzed but the natural dampers in your ear don't work so everything is SUPER LOUD! You don't have to yell, I can hear you.

My life consisted of sleeping, taping, sipping through a straw, and waiting. Waiting to give birth and waiting for the nerve to regenerate. I say I endured my baby shower's because every time someone took a picture, it reminded me that I could not smile and I looked (to me) horrible. Take your hand, press it against one side of your face and pull down. That's what my face looked like on it's own accord. I have not enjoyed the camera in 15 years- I've learned to dodge it, to sit in a certain position so it only showed my good side (okay, I seriously only had one good side then) and bare  the "but you look fine" comments.

On June 17th I gave birth to a very healthy baby boy. I didn't think of my face for many years although I always made sure my good side showed. Eventually my eye started to close and blink though it never did fully recover and unfortunately, the corner of my mouth never did let me show my teeth. I was stuck with a Mona Lisa smile. One neurosurgeon told me it wasn't that bad and surgery wasn't necessary. I went with it...I decided to move on and accept my new normal.